Not so much intimacy, but the rational fear of coming in between two people. Can that also develop?
Be it getting acquainted well with fiancée of a cousin, thinking that I don’t ruin their relationship in some way, or what if they fight for something I did as I am his sister and, she is well new to the family. Can these fears also develop with time?
It is not just intimacy. That one might be whole other level. Either I have screwed up things a lot in my past that I have meddled in people’s lives even when I didn’t want to. Friendships have been bad, or a friend has felt bad over me being close to someone they are close to. A lot happens in the course of the years of social stigma.
Maybe I overthink. I think these fears are rooted in past experiences. Sometimes we ourselves don’t know why we think about everything twice. It isn’t a bad thing but still— too much of a restriction to our craziness. Craziness does ruin lives after all, doesn’t it?
It was only a comment, you’ll say but what if it hurts someone and bang on – Fights! Am I indeed a destructive person? Breaking my relations, ruining other friendships and what not –on the way to live. Maybe it’s just fate.
This intimacy or fear has only led me stay distant to people. Overall. Even when I try to be close, or meet a bunch of people regularly, there is this feeling that it will get ruined in some way or the other. That we’ll get “too close”, which will impact someone. We’ll be “too much of ourselves” in an equation that doesn’t require it.
Maybe, this is all a blabber to you — but I couldn’t help but wonder, how — how will I ever get rid of this fear. Have you got any advice, sire?
Faded Glitters 